Hello Listeners...
Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)
Dad: Why the hell did you put a comma there?
Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
Dad: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
Dad: Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
Dad: Hey are you awak? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
Dad: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
Dad: I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
Dad: It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
Dad: Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
Dad: *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
Dad: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
Dad: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
Dad: I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
Dad: Fuck the government.
Dad: Fuck the school board.
Dad: Close the door.
Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
Dad: I love puns.
Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
Dad: Please shut up.
Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
Dad: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
Dad: I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
Dad: Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
Dad: If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
Dad: They act like I care what they think.
Dad: I hate homework.
Dad: I have decided to become a politician.
Dad: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.
141,058 plays

izabeau:

prozdvoices:

Request: Goofy sings BRING ME TO LIFE

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Anonymous asked:

I know you get asked to do Goofy too much, but a cover of Bring Me to Life would be hilarious <3

Let me transport you to a simpler time, where you’re putting the final touches on your Inuyasha AMV in Windows Movie Maker.

Welcome back to 2003.

My inner 12 yr is cryin rn.

kurokoshirai:

[joke about me being gay to subtly remind you all that i am, in fact, still gay]

mamalalonde:

yungbiochemist:

Don’t flirt subtly or drop hints I’m dumb be blunt

 

ionlyfollowbadblogs:

Turn ons: common sense

Thinking social anxiety is cute is like saying:

convertingtolight:

Excessive sweating is cute.
Dry mouth is cute.
Physically shaking is cute.
Blacking out is cute.
Nausea is cute.
Heart palpitations are cute.
Chest pain is cute.
Shallow breathing is cute.
Hot flushes are cute.
Forgetting how to talk is cute.
Humiliating yourself is cute.

It’s not adorable little shy giggly girls with pretty skirts & flowers in their hair.

notkingkong:

this gets funnier every year 

notkingkong:

this gets funnier every year 

shortandsweet:

Surprisingly, perfectionists are often procrastinators, as they can tend to think “I don’t have the right skills or resources to do this perfectly now, so I won’t do it at all.”

this is an important thing to remember.

rhymewithrachel:

it’s 2014 can we stop pretending that levi is a suave motherfucker

wet-chrome:

I always feel like I should apologize for my personal posts, but then I realize that I have Ultimate Blog Power. I can write an essay about how sad I am and then post ten pictures of dogs rollerblading. You can’t stop me.

myboyfriendsadrummer:

I have so much respect for people that can write songs. Like, how did you know that melody with those lyrics and that guitar riff would be so catchy? Song writers are so smart. Serious respect for song writers. 

uNFOLLOWER?????

THE BIBLE SAID ADAM AND EVE NOT ADAM AND LEAVE

gaulllimaufry:

feeling kin d a tired lately. , , 

theminttu:

Things I thought about on the bus today